Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
