Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
