i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
