Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
