I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
