My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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