we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
