Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
