I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
