There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
