Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
