I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
