I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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