Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
