I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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