drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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