We're facebook friends in real life
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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