I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
