My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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