Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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