I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
