R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
