she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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