So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
