i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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