You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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