You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
