Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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