The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
