Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I skipped work to stalk him.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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