how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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