I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
