It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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