Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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