I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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