she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
