the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
