so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
