I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
