Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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