I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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