I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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