Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my phone needs a breathalizer
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
