Just fell off a train. Bad.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
