4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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