got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
