what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
