I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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