I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
