your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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